| Jared made me! |
[11/17/05 9:05am] |
Top 10 things that make you happy right now, and tag 5 people to do the same.
1. Ok, let's do the obvious, family, friends, and boyfriend. Oh and my dog.
2. Shaved legs. I didn't shave my legs for about five days before and it was seriously hard to live.
3. I only have two more days of work left.
4. The prospect of Thanksgiving. I can't effing wait.
5. Makeup.
6. Straight teeth.
7. Winter clothes. Winter always comes arond and makes me wanna just jump out and buy a plethora of sweaters and long shirts. EEP. LOVE IT.
8. SIlly nights where you can't stop laughing.
9. Coldplay. Oh how I love thee.
10.The thought of having a party here on Saturday excites me.
Tag 5 People:
1. Leanne!
2. Holland
3. Chris
4. Alice, yes?
5. Noah
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| BIRDS! |
[10/31/05 2:44pm] |
Even though it is 245 in the afternoon, hearing the plethora of pigeons on the balcony is scaring me.
GO away birdies, go away.
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| FORTRESS |
[10/10/05 7:33pm] |
Today was one of those days. One of those days where life could have been a little better. I did homework, napped, ate, studied. I mean it wasn't horrible, obviously, but something is just missing. I hate that feeling. Something's missing. Johnny said it best:
I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.
I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate
Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all
When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart:
Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all
I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.
Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Friends -check- Money -check-
A well slept -check- Opposite sex -check- Guitar -check- Microphone -check- Messages waiting for me, when i come home
-check-
How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries
What do you think it means
How come everything I think I need, always comes with batteries
What do you think it means
I don't know what it is. It's a constant nagging feeling that flees and returns again only to haunt me. I have a great family, friends, boyfriend. I'm doing well in school for the most part. I have a job and nice things, but I can't but help this feeling that I get sometimes. It seems not even justifiable. It makes you want to sleep away the thoughts of angst and doubtfulness. I don't like it. I feel like I am losing my passion for a lot of things and gaining it in areas I shouldn't. Hard to understand but it's not like me, myself or I. How do I fix that?
It is getting darker earlier in the day now. Winter approaches. Sweaters emerge. I couldn't be more happy for this event. Winter is just clearer to me. Days are more enjoyable. Oh bless the winter, friends! Oh!
THere are a thousand things I want to do, but practicality holds me back. It's holding me back like I'm in a fight I shouldn't be in. I want to cut the ties and you make me want to do that. But that's not me? Who is me? Who am I really? Smart or Un-Smart? Weird or quirky? Hardworking or Lazy? Studious or not? I hate being combinations of more than one trait that counteract eachother. I am really starting to wonder where these doubts come from. I think I need a European adventure to "discover who I am", but honestly I would only come to find out things that will confuse me more, but yet I still want to do it. Things I do, say or feel don't make sense to be honest.
One thing is for sure, I am happy. Not the more entire extent, but a lot happier than I have ever been. Relaxed. Enjoyable. Emerged in my life, so I suppose getting to that point where I can fully be who I am to the extent in which I want to be (still yet to be determined), full happiness will be obtained and I will be LAURA ANN PREHODA, once and for all. The journey getting there is what it's all about, I suppose. The journey is rough my friends, it's rough.
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| 20 Things About Me! |
[9/24/05 7:53pm] |
Write 20 things about yourself and then tag people based on the number of minutes you took to complete the list.
1. I work at Bath and Body Works. I am a cash register hog, because honestly I like swiping Visa cards and no one else seems to like to.
2. I really dislike accounting. I'm having a hard time seeing the point of it, even though I know there is a point.
3. I'm not a party girl, but I like to have my fun with my few close friends.
4. I almost fell asleep driving back from Phoenix today. It wasn't a good thing.
5. I like Diet Pepsi better than Diet Coke.
6. I am saving my money to go to Europe. It's my dream.
7. I send way too many text messages in a month.
8. I am growing out my hair. I have yet to decide if this is a good idea or not.
9. I really really really like school and I have a hard time understanding people who don't.
10. The most expensive thing I ever bought was my laptop. Other than that, I'm a spoiled brat that has no real financial obligations/expenditures.
11. I'm not "street smart". But really, what is street smart anyway?
12. When someone says they don't like Coldplay, I pretty much don't like them or think a little bit less of them.
13. I am working to graduate from college with Honors.
14. I really wish I had the motivation to become a researcher. I don't know of what, but of something worth substance. I am not sure if I could donate my life to studying one thing, however, but if I did, that would be cool.
15. Boy cut underwear from Victoria Secret are my all time favorite underwear.
16. My boyfriend is Mexican. My ex boyfriend was Mexican. Yeah, I have a thing for ethnic guys.
17. Salmon loaf is my favorite food and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that knows what it is.
18. I have a collection of over 500 high school photos capturing all the memories of my high school years. I wonder if I'll keep them until I die.
19. I wish I spoke Spanish.
20. I can make the Mary Kate Olsen pouty picture face the best that anyone can. I'm that amazing.
1. Holland
2. Leanne
3. Sheena
4. Samantha
5. Alice
6. Stephanie
7. Kevin
8. Chris
* I guess this will be a true test to see who actually reads this and will do it in their own LJ *
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| It's fine. |
[9/13/05 7:42pm] |
Yeah, I want that.
But I want that for different reasons.
It's not the same anymore.
I don't like being misunderstood.
I don't just want to be that girl.
I want to be that girl. Ya know, the one who means something.
I should just let this go.
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| RETROSPECT |
[9/11/05 8:16pm] |
I love how hate is so unjustifiable, sometimes.
I am employed. I start work tomorrow at Bath and Body Works.
I never would have thought I would be selling lotion and potions and bubbly bath things.
The discount at Victoria Secret is all worth it. SEXAY.
I think people are really naive sometimes.
September 11th was horrible.
Hurricane Katrina is horrible.
All these shitty things in life are just shitty.
But to sit there and think they won't happen again.
To sit and hear people say "I don't think a September 11th will ever happen again", I think, is the most naive thing one could say.
It puts off this invincible attitude.
It puts off a "I take life for granted" attitude, to me. I don't like it.
It's nothing to live in fear of, but it's nothing to put aside and think it won't happen again.
Being naive was the problem in the first place.
Man. I think my roommates and I are the coolest because we actually cook meals and bake things. I smell brownies right now. It's pretty sweet.
Reading in bed is probably the worst idea ever. I did that today and sure enough, I was out.
I'm going to watch Crash tonight.
I hope it's good. I've heard from a lot of people it was.
Man. I hate missing people, it's the worst!
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| What UP. |
[8/29/05 7:17pm] |
I am taking a sociology course.
I hate it.
The more you sit and analyze racism, the more racist you are asked to become.
I wish this interested me.
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| OH LIFE. OH VANITY. OH CHICKEN. |
[8/24/05 3:15pm] |
Yesterday was my first day back at the good ole U of A and I was welcomed by massive puddles of rain, rain and more rain. However I made it to campus in an astonishing 13 minutes. My classes were interesting. However, I hav ea teacher where I don't understand any point she tries to make. This worries me, but all the assignments and tests are take home and I have a friend in the class, which is a good thing. Accounting is going to suck, I already know.
I had another interview today with Applebee's.
It sucked. The guy couldn't even look me in the eye and proceeded to tell me in disgust how college students should really start going to school on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
He still continued with the interview however, but at the end pretty much said "Best of luck to you!"
Le sigh.
I was totally amazed by their questions. Particularly "Describe a situation at your previous jobs hat you had the most fun". I couldn't honestly tell you a time where I had the most fun at my job. Haha. Oh man.
I need some motivation. I think I have some reading to do tonight for a class. I think I might go to bed early so I'm prepared for my last day of school for the week.
I think I might go home for Labor Day. I haven't decided.
How is everyone out there in LJ land? Is life treating you well?
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| I wish. |
[8/21/05 11:39pm] |
Tomorrow I start my second year of college. I wish it had come sooner.
Part of me wishes that the summer went by faster.
It's been an amazing summer.
It's been a hard summer.
I'm in a rut. It's really pathetic. Immature, mostly. I'll get out of it, I promise.
It's been awhile since I have graced LJ with my presence.
Do you ever get to that point where you wish you could do something to counteract how you feel about something.
I need to find my counteraction.
Oh well, I am hoping to become employed. Wouldn't that be great. Wish me luck, please.
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| SILVER LINING on the INSIDE. |
[7/19/05 2:19pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Coldplay - Speed of Sound |
] |
Let's see. It has been far too long since I have posted a real update. I suppose that's because there isn't much to update on.
I move out again in a month. Exactly, a month. Living at home again wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, in the perspective I thought it would. My parents are totally awesome, they didn't get that annoying and my mom really did become a cool mom. I know she's going to be sad when I leave. Poor thing.
Working for my brother has been challenging. I guess I always say this, but it's true. I learned a lot and despite the fact I didn't make nearly as much as I had hoped or thought (silly brother), I have learned what it's like to work in cut throat business with tons of shady people. SWEET. I'd like to think I'm walking away a little bit more experienced.
I am going to Colorado in 2 and a half weeks. I can't wait. It's going to be a blast. Adam will show us a good time.
I live with Samantha, practically. She's been my muse this summer, funny how that works. Breaking up with Justin was hard enough and I have had wonderful friends to fall back on, especially Samantha to help me appreciate my friends even more. I am blessed with a core group of girl friends I call my sisters and seriously, damn I'm lucky for these beautiful ladies whom they know who they are. :)
I get to see my little Andi pants tomorrow. It's been far too long since we've hung out.
I colored my hair. It cost me far too much money. See below:
Let's see, what else.
Hurricanes are kind of scary. I am still perplexed as to why people move to these places.
It's been almost two months and the Holloway girl has yet to be found. URGH. This has made me come face to face to my re-emerging passion to be an investigator, though. Oh television.
The new Coldplay, even though I said it before, WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
And the new WILLY WONKA, is simply amazing. It made me laugh and made me want to play my Maracha. EEP. LOVE IT.
I think that is all.
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| Where is my heart? |
[7/15/05 12:34am] |
I've been asking the same question.
It's weird. I just feel compelled. I won't ask it anymore when I know it's ok to quit asking it. When that will happen I don't know.
On another note, I know I am weird.
No one needs to apply. You won't pass the test anyway!!
♥
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| ALL HOPE ASIDE |
[6/28/05 10:05pm] |
|
This week is just sucking. Today I woke up on the other side of the bed, hoping it would change.
My job situation: My brother almost lost his license, because of some legal and spiteful implications unbeknownst (sp?) to him and his partners. Needless to say, I'm pretty much back on the payroll, or lack thereof, depending on how you look at it, with stricter regulations and a tougher spot to handle. Which leads me to business. It has taught me so much. I am blessed for the opportunity to learn what I have learned. There's a bottom line in real business and it's money. You have to want it and have to get it in order to stay in it. And if you're on top, like my brother is, you're watched, not out of precaution, but out of jealousy and personal motives. It is the dark side.
My sister: What I said in my previous LJ post a few days ago, was in reference to my sister. Something I can't explain and perhaps I shouldn't be so coy with my words, because assumptions arise because of it. But tonight, I saw my sister so happy and as Kelly goes off to Iraq, my mom became a real person and a mother who loves her daughter and said "My father told my brother before he went to Vietnam, to do only what you have to and nothing more; not to be a hero, because even by just doing what you're told, you already are a hero." I was amazed by this gesture.
My mom: I tell my friends that I have a cool mom now. It's true. Ever since I came back my mom has really let loose a little bit and it's awesome. Tonight, she tried to hook me up with the very good looking food runner at Cheesecake Factory. More surprising than his intense good looks, was my mom's attitude towards the whole thing.
My ears: I have swimmer's ear. In both of my ears. SUCK. IKt's seriously the most annoying effin feeling ever. I am glad that I got it taken care of before the weekend. It would have only gotten worse.
School: I am doing pretty well. It's over on Thursday, I can't wait for that to happen.
Life and Death: My uncle's (not by blood) brother was killed today in some sort of tragic accident. Life is so fragile. We aren't invincible. Which leads me to the missing gir in Aruba. This case kills me. And I mean I joke when I say this case inspires me, but in some corny ass way, it does. Oh, what I would give to have a career investigating such things. And for the first time not because I think I might be good at it, but because I'd really love the opportunity to see if I could.
My mind: It's not all there lately, in different ways. I'm working on it. It's a necessity. I pray to Goodness that July is a better month. I wish I could start June over from the beginning, minus school, because I think that was the only thing successful I have done all month. I have no desire to do much else, really. There are the select few I want to spend my time with, otherwise I come home, chill with my parents, watch FOXNEWS, because I am obessed, go to bed, write, and contemplate my life and everything that surrounds it. I am content, but disheartened by recent words that I have found completely not necessary.
July 4th, my second _________ holiday is coming up. ;)
The new Coldplay, I love. All of it; it's my anthem.
Don't ask me why, but this song has changed my life:
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
High up above or down below
When you too in love to let it go
If you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And this song, God, I wish I had the courage:
Trying hard to speak and
Fighting with my weak hand
Driven to distraction
So part of the plan
When something is broken
And you try to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way you can
I'm diving off the deep end
You become my best friend
I wanna love you
But I don't know if I can
I know something is broken
And I'm trying to fix it
Trying to repair it
Any way I can
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| BAD NEWS |
[6/27/05 5:00pm] |
I've lost my job.
I have severe aches in my ears.
People confuse me and I have become misunderstood.
Life is fucking horrible.
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| OH NOSE! |
[6/27/05 8:57am] |
Piglet and Pooh died.
Well, their voices anyway; all within a day of eachother. How sad.
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| I'M NOT COMING TO VISIT YOU. DON'T WORRY. |
[6/26/05 11:16pm] |
This week is going to blow.
I can't wait until Thursday is over. Life will be ok again.
This weekend was fun, but now I have three tests this week, BLAH!
I'm not very understanding sometimes.
I think I have a cold heart.
I take back everything I said about you, too.
Too bad.
There are too many people who let those who walk all over them guide their life in such a path of misery, but those who are respectful and genuine, hardly get a say at all.
This upcoming weekend should be fun, I can NOT wait. Lauren's b-day party, ANdi's birthday too (happy early birthday, hope to see you), Mr. Adam comes in town, a great wedding and some great times with wonderful FRIENDS.
:)
♥
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| SEEKING POINTLESS PERFECTION |
[6/23/05 12:31am] |
It's funny how answers just come to you like a stray bullet. But these answers are the ones you want that shoot you right in the heart.
There had to be clarification.
Months and months of a lot of emotion I never spoke of or heard of, and it all makes sense. I know when it went wrong and better yet, I know why.
Steps have to be made and things just are, and who knows if they ever will be again, but I am ok with it all. I feel as though I became something else tonight and perhaps it's a step in the right direction.
I am able to focus on me and he is able to focus on him, something neither of us have done.
And there are so many things I am excited to tackle, that before I was scared to death to even confront. But once again, I have found courage.
I have already made some mistakes in how to handle myself, that won't happen again.
I am no longer lonely.
And I am no longer eager to leave this town. Time heals.
But time in this case, is the fact that friendship will remain, despite what was said.
I am so blessed and thankful.
So, I have created a list of things to accomplish for myself and things to focus on.
Writing, health, friendship, family. That is all I need right now, and the task at hand is pretty large.
Thank you, void.
♥
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| YUMM, RIBS |
[6/15/05 11:26am] |
The days seem to be going by kind so fast. This is a good thing. I've almost completed 3 weeks of summer school. I can't wait ot be done. The shirt I am wearing was originally blue, but my mom bleached it is and is now purple with blue seams. I wonder if anyone can notice?
I feel different in a really awkward way as of late. I can't describe it. Normal doesn't come to mind as much as...lame, does. I blame my environment for who I am.
Why do people try so hard to be cool? People in my classes say things that don't make sense. I know when people meet others they want to have this "I'm so cool, look at me" first impression. It doesn't work, especially when other parties in the situation just know you're a fake. It all comes down to insecurity. People put at the expense of others, to be cool because they are just insecure with themselves.
It's easy to forget about those who hurt and it's even easier when the one who is hurting hides. Sometimes though, it is very hard to escape what those expect of you and more importantly, what you expect of yourself. Unfortunately, this comes at the expense of one's state of mind. My dad told me to quit being so secretive. In part, I kno I have retroactively put myself in a place where I used to be. It's quiet and a little less confusig, but lonely. I feel as though I've ran away from how I felt for so long and now that I have confronted myself in a one-on-one battle, in the scariest way possible, I have lost. They say people lose themselves in a relationship with another. I was not one of those and I am the type of person that probably never will be the one to define myself by the relationships I am in. However, the real problem with defining myself is purely in my own definition. This definition is blurred by expectations, stereotypes, ill-will and issues left covered.. While it may seem slly, it's very hard to face the realization that I can not hide from myself anymore. This faulty definition can no longer exist. It's even harder when you think you won't be accepted not by others only, but yourself most importantly.
It may not make sense. Just know, I'm scared and... fragile?
The other day a guy got off the bus and no joke, was carrying a sword in a case. Not nly does this thought make me wonder what the hell someone carried a sword on the city bus for, but what bus driver would allow that to happen. Seriously, bogus. It was intense.
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| BECAUSE I TOLD ROGER I WOULD. |
[6/14/05 11:52pm] |
01. Comment with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie reminds me of you.
03. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
04. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
05. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
06. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
07. I'll write something you've taught me.
08. Put this in your journal.
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| DRIVING ON HOME FROM A WRECK OF A DAY. |
[6/9/05 2:15pm] |
I did ok on my Criminal Justice test, even though I fell asleep at 8 p.m. last night and waking up with a massive headache.
I've had better days.
Something has been taken from my heart but has been replaced by my own conviction.
The sadness lies within the memories and the good times that were there.
But there's something greater out there for me and for him. A greater happiness than the one that we were living in.
I still have a best friend and a person who takes a big part of my heart.
I know I am blessed for the peace in this.
And that is all I'm ever going to say about the break up between Justin and I.
Our hearts will mend.
And with that, I am sure I won't be coming around here for awhile.
♥
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